A BRIEF HISTORY
The history of the bridesmaid varies across cultures, religions and time periods. In early Roman times, bridesmaids formed a kind of bridal infantry as they accompanied the bride to the groom’s village. This “protective shield” of similarly outfitted bridesmaids was supposed to intervene if any wayward thugs or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry.
However, the Western bridesmaid tradition seems to have originated from later Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies. The bridesmaids and ushers dressed in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits wouldn’t know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, the belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding still existed. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, it can take quite a bit of inspection to pick out the bride and groom from among the other members of the bridal party!
THE MODERN DAY BRIDESMAID
These early customs continue to have an influence today. The expression “thrice a bridesmaid, never a bride” arose from the bridesmaid’s interception of, and gradual infection by (over the course of three weddings), the evil spirits trying to disrupt the ceremony! And, although the bridal party no longer functions as a troop of foot soldiers, bridesmaid dresses are still commonly chosen in harmony with the look and feel of the wedding. The bridal party continues to serve a vital role in the wedding process, not by fending off hexes and robbers, but by providing key support staff and an advisory board. Besides being an honored member of the wedding party and special guest at the reception, today’s bridesmaid is also designated as the bride’s special assistant. From shopping, for dresses to scouting hotels for out-of-town guests to writing place cards to hosting a bridal shower, her first duty is to be helpful. The payoff is that walk down the aisle, looking absolutely beautiful in a gown that is stylish, sophisticated, colorful and absolutely wearable. In 21st century, America, bridesmaids are chosen to be caring helpers, thoughtful organizers and skillful liaisons.
HOW MANY IS TOO MANY?
There is one obvious answer. If the altar only fits a handful of people, you’ll have to limit your number of bridesmaids! But, seriously, the first rule in determining how many bridesmaids is right for you is to coordinate the size of your wedding party with the size of the venue where your wedding is to take place. Although it may be difficult to choose five bridesmaids from among fifty of your best friends, you must if you’re having an intimate wedding. And there are plenty of other great honors that you can hand out to close friends who want to participate in the wedding (e.g., they can help coordinate any other wedding-related activities, or they could write a special song or toast for the reception, etc.).
A good second rule is to consider the formality of the wedding. In general, formal weddings have a half dozen or more bridesmaids in addition to the maid of honor (it could be as many as a dozens, but that is very rare). Semiformal and casual weddings can have just one bridesmaid – the maid of honor – but typically have about three to five. And don’t worry if the groom has more ushers than you have bridesmaids: Ushers can always double up in the recessional. Of course, the final decision rests with you, the bride, but remember that the larger the number, the more difficult it may be for you to manage. And remember that the bridesmaids will all have to work together on many aspects of planning, so addressing any conflicts up front will avoid problems down the line. So the more the merrier?or too many cooks spoil the broth?you’ll have to decide!
“POPPING THE QUESTION”
In all likelihood, your bridesmaids will be among the first people to know that you’re planning to get married. That’s because most brides ask their closest friends and family members in a flurry of excited phone calls! However, there are no rules prescribing the right people to choose and there is no particularly right way to ask. It’s entirely up to you. In general, your bridesmaids should be your sociable and engaging friends and family members since many of their duties (in addition to organizational ones) will involve hosting, greeting and introducing. You can also have Junior Bridesmaids, generally between eight and fourteen years of age, who wear “junior” bridesmaid dresses. Or you can have Senior Bridesmaids – like a great aunt or grandmother – who may be your closest confidant or the best ally. However, in the great majority of weddings, brides select friends and family around their own age, whom they know will be supportive and helpful in the planning process. Bridesmaids in your age group can also relate well to the groomsmen, who are generally around the same age as the groom. But before you get ready to announce your bridesmaid nominees, you should be well aware of the bridesmaids’ responsibilities, so you can be sure your bridal party can handle their duties. Once you have made your decision, an easy way to “pop the question” is a bridesmaid card.
